Well... How should I say this? Where do I start?
In the moment I feel really depressed. It is not something I have just felt yesterday. No I have
been walking around with it for more than 2 months now and I don't know what to do. I don't want
to sound like a cry baby or somebody how seeks attention, because that's not the case.
And because of that I felt more depressed.
I start to feel that the boble soon will blast and I have to get out with it. But I don't want to write
at facebook, because then I KNOW it will sound like I seek attention. I have no idea in the world
who I should talk to... Just feel really lonely, antisocial and depressed.
I should be happy. More happy than ever! This autumn I started at my dream study, prehistoric
Archeology. I got my own place and have put up most of all the shelves and done a lot of things
myself. I'm really happy to get my own place and get this fare in life.
I have done or at least tried to do as many things as possible that could give me succes and a little
happiness. But somehow it only works for a brief moment. Then I'm depressed again, feel like what
ever I do, will never mean anything in this world. I will grow up, get a job, lose a job, get friends,
be forgotten, move to a new place, stay at another. Always a moving circle, where I never know
weather the friends I got will stay forever or the interrest.
What will this silly world end with? Nations spying at each other, Japan needs more kids, so they can
get educated annd work.
Why do we have to be educated and a part of the society? Why can't we just live outside this
corrupted society, that only tries to earn money?
why is it importen to have partner? Have sex?
What's te meaning with life?
People use to call me a strongminded person, when they first meet. I just smile and nod, because
no one knows the inside me. A weak little girl, ready break that thiny, thiny thread of selfmoral and
confidence she have. Normally I can take care of my own problems, without telling everybody, but...
This time... I don't know weather I'm stressed, depressed or just can't take it easy after Australia or
I just know that I do not know the meaning of my life anymore... I feels like everything I do is meanigless.
Why should I do it? Is it not pointless? Who, execept my self will remember what I have done?
Yes yes.. I know after reading this you proply think I just WANT attention and people to notice me.
But no... I have despretly tried the last month, to not start crying and complainging about life in front
of people, because I DON'T want the attenting. The only thing I have learned through my childhood
is that nobody cares about others problems and you just have to be strong and smile. Keep pretending
everything is okay, while you solve your own mental problems.
Am I skizofronic? Crazy? Or maybe just abnormal?
I don't know... I really don't know, but these quistions keep circling in my head and now... I can't hold it
and I don't know what to do. At least I'm somehow strong enough to tell myself that it won't help kill
myself. Better stay alive and take the pain and sufferness. Cling to the hope that someday, everything
get's better and dark tunnel will be behind me..... But when will that day be?
Sorry for making such a depressed and choking Journal. I... I just don't know what else to do and
hopefully none will comment it, just ignore it.
This is one my last solutions, to write a big public "letter" with my troubles and hopefully that will help
me "get rid" of my troubles.
Again... Sorry guys
Listening to: Silent Soundtracks
Drinking: liquid drinkabel stuff